Everyone knows the best part of Halloween is judging everyone’s costumes; every year we have a Madi from Euphoria with cheap Shein fabric that will rip in one night, a group of cliche space cowgirls who have recycled the same costume since 2016, and the quirky artsy girl who somehow paper machet’s herself an immaculate egg costume two hours before the party starts. But what will this year’s top halloween costumes be?…
10: In tenth place we have any and every Squid Games costume. We get it- squid games is an amazing show with top tier production and even better acting- but as for costume design? A green jumpsuit has never looked good on anyone (ok, maybe except HoYeon Jung). If you’re really stuck on the idea of a squid games themed costume please leave the triangle mask at home and substitute it for something more original. Two decent squid game costume alternatives: terrifying red light green light girl but make it ~sexy~ or one of our least favorite gold mask elites.
9: In ninth place we have any animal with whiskers. I’m talking about slapping on a pair of ears and black booty shorts and calling it a day. We get it. You don’t like halloween. But try a few alternatives. Thinking about being a cheetah? Take that cheetah print slip you were going to wear (or dig one out of the lingerie section of your local Goodwill), grab a few friends, and be the Cheetah Girls. A cat? Be one of the many cats we all know and love from Animal Crossing. All it takes is a little eyeliner and blush, a cute plaid shirt, and bam! You’re Rosie!
8: In eighth place we have the cliche Devil and Angel mantra; who hasn’t done it. Easy, sexy, and straight to the point, the costume is a classic stand-in for actual ingenuity. Luckily, I have several (slightly more creative ideas) cooked up. Looking for a religious theme? Select from an array of greek gods and goddesses. While there are many variations on this costume, its brilliance is in its simplicity. Get a white sheet for a toga, some gold jewelry, and a creative makeup look. Accessorize with the necessary items for your character: are you Dionysus? Find some grapes and a bottle of wine. Zeus? Cut a lightning bolt out of cardboard. Possibly the cutest variation on this costume is for someone with a pet; Aphrodite (decked out in heart makeup) and her baby cupid.
7: On this episode of jokes made wayyyy too soon we have any Covid themed costume. If you’re thinking about dressing up like a vaccine card, mask, or even that ugly little ball of spikes that has flooded our instagram pages for the past two years, please dear god don’t. Here are a few (slightly better) alternatives. Anti Vaxxer Nicki Minaj; complete with a fake pair of swollen testicals. Throw on a pink wig, a bodysuit, and order some fake testicals (order at the link below) and honor the cancelled popstar and covid-19 in a slightly funnier way.
https://www.ebay.com/itm/114270670200?hash=item1a9b100d78:g:lmQAAOSwO3pe8Mbu&var=414526293415
6: In sixth place we have the favorite costume of every man at Haverford. Feeling lazy? Slap on jersey- bonus if it’s over a sweatshirt- and call it a day. But what if you want to play pong in style and impress girls with your creativity? Here are a few easy alternatives hat will take you about 20 seconds:
- Aang from Avatar the Last Airbender. Take a blue washable marker and draw that arrow on your forehead. Bonus points if you find a large stick on campus to be your staff.
- Men in black but make it sexy. Take a blazer jacket and go shirtless underneath. Grab a pair of sunnies. The final touch that will really make you stand out? Print out an alien friend (yes… I know that will require walking all the way to the lutnick printer) to carry around with you or tape to your drink. Plus, it’s a free pickup line for any girl dressed up as an alien.
- Gatorade bottle; now hear me out. Get a green shirt and green pants (they don’t need to match- this is last minute remember). Borrow or order an orange hat. Print out that classic gatorade logo and slap it on your chest. It’s quirky, easy, and unique.
5: In fifth place; Britney Spears. She’s an icon, a legend, and my absolute favorite. This costume is a long-standing success story but a little untimely given the Free Britney movement and her conservatorship. As long as you don’t take it too far and dress up as Britney and her Conservator I think it should be fine. Here’s a few Britney looks that I don’t think get enough representation on Halloween:
Looking to replace Britney with a more modern artist? A Doja Cat costume is as easy as a pair of pink gloves and pink wig, all of which you could find at your local Party City. Alternatively, channel your Olivia Rodrigo and cover your face with stickers.
4- In fourth place we have Travis Barker and Kourtney Kardashian or their identical twins Machine Gun Kelly and Meghan Fox. Admittedly, I love this costume idea. The idea is simple but the execution matters. Our potential MGK or Barker must grab a black marker to draw on the necessary tattoos, a suit jacket, and maybe a blond wig and matching sunnies (if they really hope to top the look off). The Kourtney or Meghan? Don your sexiest black fit that screams femme bisexual and winged eyeliner. Vuala! You are the “smells like weed” to her “I am weed”.
3- Hoping to do Halloween in incognito mode? Kim Kardashain has the look for you. All it takes is stretching an old stocking over your head and finding the nearest black bodycon dress. This might be the outfit for someone with curves, but you can always use some trusty buttpads or a pillow to accentuate your Kim-K figure. Either way it’ll be funny- at least for the people who get your costume. For those who don’t, you’ll just look creepy (which is on theme anyway).
2- Bones day and no Bones day. For those who don’t know- please get a TikTok already. This costume is perfect for two people and (preferably) a dog. It’s also super easy. One person will be wearing the cliche skeleton costume; a pre-made outfit with bones on it, or, alternatively, a black outfit with bones printed out and taped on. Their friend will then wear a matching black outfit, this one with no bones. If you’re one of the privileged few with a dog, tie a ribbon around their neck and write pugsy. If not, simply write bones day or no bones day on a nametag on your chest (to really drive the point home). Whoever the dog runs to first is the day we’re gonna have!
1- Sexy DC Worker. I’ve been begging my friends to do this costume for longer than I can remember. Grab a DC worker uniform from one of your Haverford friends, tie it into a crop top, and accessorize with some fishnets or lingerie. Hoping for a masc style? Ditch the top but keep the ~essential~ baseball cap. Pair with the shortest shorts you own. It’s funny, it’s sexy, and this time you’ll be serving looks instead of overcooked chicken.
